nurget

A wombat-sized mammal, seen only in the sugar-snap fields of Guatemala. Nocturnal. Highly dangerous. Has three teeth, two pointed ones one the bottom and a single venomous spike at the top, aprox 4.3cm long. Will die immediately if attacked by one. Only known cure: cucumber. Peculiar characteristics: only has 1 toe and 2 fingers. Will attack for no apparent reason, groups especially at risk: fat people, ugly people, ginger people (NB if fit into all categories….probably best to avoid Guatemala entirely). They live on a diet of sugar-snap peas and ugly, fat, ginger, stupid people. First discovered, upon seeing evidence of a nurget bite on a Mr Walter Nurget Stadnik, after whom the creature was named. He has consequently died a slow, excruciatingly painful death. The discovery was made by Nicola Borland, UK, with the help of Jem Lloyd, who played a very minor role in said discovery.