Newton

Newton, Iowa used to be known for two things: Maytag and meth. Maytag moved to Mexico. Oh, the glory of trailer parks and rundown houses with cars that cost more than 10 years rent parked in the front yard. For entertainment, one can drive up and down the main street to show off your ridiculous spoiler and ground effects. Or, if you'd rather spend your last $5 on a 40 oz. rather than gas, you can watch the retard parade cruise by over and over while hanging out in the corner of the Hy-Vee parking lot...or, if you are feeling classy, you can rock it with the lovely and classy folk of the downtown square area. Baby on hip and beer in the hand? You'll fit right in! Of course, no mid-sized Iowa town in complete without the pretentious sub-divisions surrounding the meth-rot filled downtown. THOSE folk know how to party AND become sports stars! Old washed-up football player? Newton is the perfect place to brainwash your child into believing high school sports are life, pumping him full of PCP, and watching him lead the Cardinals to state!