Monster Matt

A "Monster Matt" is the lowest form of humanity. Typically a Monster will have disgraceful oral hygeine, consisting of crooked yellow teeth, severe plaque and dog-shit breath. Their hair will often be of a golden brownish or flat out stinky-ginger colour (Which they shamefully try to label "off-brown" in vain). Monsters smell all the time, even when their clothes are "clean", this smell often orginiates from vomit and piss stains that they have acculmulated. Monsters have really dark pupils, like the common Tiger Shark, and a very small and shrivelled pink penis which my resemble a pig's tail. They have a fondness for cats which is admirable, but a hatred for nearly everything else. A Monster finds joy in life in only one manner, making people laugh. They will go to great lengths to achieve this, particularly from people they look up to and will often been seen acting like a clown or stumbling around aimlessly drunk and being laughed at by massess of people. Monsters have no sense of self-worth, no sense of community, no sense of right and wrong and hate things for no reasons. They are usually athiests, vegetarians and virgins. A lot of their psychological issues can be traced back to distubringly incestuous relationships with their poor, call-girl mothers. These women are nearly as repulsive as the Monsters themselves due to their parasitic nature of moving from partner to partner, dragging the monster around as their emotional baggage and wasting what little money they have on breast implants. It's easy to pity a Monster, but don't forget, they don't want your pity. They have no soul! The worst thing about Monsters are that they have no concept of self-improvement or decency. This common personality flaw can lead Monster's to suicide in their mid 30s. It is said that Monsters usually struggle growing up from their comedic, alcoholic heydey that is their 20s as their friends (or friend) move on with their lives. As they struggle to adapt to living with their mums for 15 years, dropping out of uni and working as a recycler worker Monsters start to become increasingly realistic and realise that theirs is a life that is not worth carrying on with. Never mind. A Monster's only real claim to fame is that they have never been beaten up by 2 girls.