Mario

Don't get me wrong, I love the game. But I think it's time to cut the crap. You people deserve the true definition of how this all started. Mario is a plumber who hates his crap life-no pun intended-so he gets fucked up off mushrooms and goes on crazy adventures with his brother, Luigi. The goal of his adventures is saving a stupid princess who seems to get a kick off getting kidnapped by a giant turtle named Bowser (how she doesn't run away from a slow moving turtle is beyond me). Most common occurrence on those adventures is finding green shrooms and getting even more fucked up that they gain an extra life! 2nd most common is finding red shrooms and now they grow about 10 feet in size. They find coins sometimes, only to support their drug habits and get more shrooms. In the old games, they used to find a raccoon suit that made them fly, but nowadays, they don't find any good shrooms to do that anymore. Fire flower power up is really diarrhea kicking in. Goombas= dog turds, for some reason it's fun to stomp on them. They have no hands, they can't do anything to you. When they lose a life, it's really the shrooms wearing off, until it's game over and then they wake up in jail.