Lust busting

A present progressive verb that describes the actions of a crack team of virgin paladins armed with scripture and Wi-Fi passwords, “Lust Busters” is student-run purity SWAT team (at conservative colleges)—dedicated to zapping sinful thoughts with the zeal of someone who’s never been on a second date. Fueled by Mountain Dew and Old Testament rage, they patrol the campus with the moral urgency of a Magic: The Gathering tournament ref, confronting anything that even looks like it might make someone feel warm in their bathing suit area. Their natural enemy? Human skin. Their preferred weapon? Aggressive Instagram posts and awkward public signage like “Your Eyeballs Are Not Worth Hell.” Think Ghostbusters, but instead of trapping ghosts, they’re trying to exorcise the concept of cleavage—and instead of proton packs, they have oversized Study Bibles and the social charisma of a Windows 95 update. If you’ve ever fantasized about a romantic relationship, watched a shampoo commercial too intently, or owned a Dragon Ball Z body pillow—beware. The Lust Busters are coming for you, and they’ve got blocked browser history and zero chill.