longford

An absolute shitehole of a place located somewhere between the villages of Arse-End and Of-Nowhere on Irelands lush central plain. The poorer cousin of its sister towns of Athlone and Mullingar, Longford is stuck in a time warp somewhere between the dark ages and 1989. Activities on offer in Longford include: -Living in a council house, -Being a dole-scrounger, -Having five kids when you're only sixteen, -Wearing tracksuits if you're male and hoop earrings if you're female, -Using the words "bure" and "sham" ad-nauseum, -Being from Longford. Places of interest in the town are: -The dole office, -erm...........the dole office....? Characters of interest in the town include: -Writer Oliver Goldsmith who lived near the town for a period some years ago, -The entire staff of the dole office, -That bure from Teffia Park who gave her sister a hidin' cos she caught her shiftin' this other one behind PVs last Saturday night and no one in her family's gonna be a fuckin' dyke. If you would like to visit Longford, then I can only urge you to seek urgent psychiatric assessment.