livestrong

N: 1. Yellow identification bracelet for fad-worshippers, presumed athletes, moral authorities, lemmings, sheep, and ducks. 2. Motto of Lance Armstrong (cyclist, Texan, cancer survivor, republican) and his devoted legion. It is also the name of what started as a charity drive but soon devolved into an insidious PR stunt. At press time, it's safe to say that Livestrongmania has peaked. Fewer people are wearing them and fewer still (laggards) are buying them. Seeing someone sporting the 'livestrong' is very helpful, because it may save you from having to talk to them for 10 minutes to figure out that they are a tosser. NOTE:The bracelet may have magical powers, because it seems its wearers are bestowed with infinite wisdom, crystalline moral values, and certain athletic prowace. MARKINGS: Livestrongers are a varied group, but you will note everything from hats with fraternity letters to polo shirts with the logo of some software company on it. Favorite brands include Nike, Abercrombie and Fitch, Eddie Bauer, and GAP. Their workspace is likely to have not fewer than 40 pictures of their children nestled among various inspriational quotes and motivational posters. Their vehicle of choice is likely an SUV or some Volvo wagon, and will almost certainly have a vanity plate with the person's nickname on it. It will be covered with stickers pledging allegiance to the President, stickers heralding the academic achievements of their children, and stickers to let fellow motorists know that they take holiday on Nantucket or the Outer Banks. HABITS: If you encounter a Livestronger and you are not wearing the bracelet yourself, you will get a smug "tsk tsk" look while inside they quietly judge you. Many of them suffer from a dehabilitating form of OCD where they cannot spend 5 waking minutes without checking their mobile.