Lisbon

Europe's bumhole. Lisbon was originally built on 7 hills and apart from the Portuguese, nobody gives a shit. The 7 hills are called, Maria, Pedro, PedroMariaGozalo, Maripedrazalinha, Hilliesta Grandesta, Jesus Christo and Dave. As for the language, Portuguese sounds like a retarded Spaniard trying to speak Russian. Amongst the greasy midget population popular pastimes include moaning, not working, standing around outside shops that only sell 2 types of pissy beer, domestic violence and stealing chickens. The highest rated tv shows are, Pimp my Donkey, Cooking with Sticks, Meu Casa Mau Casa (in this show interior designers remodel a house that has collapsed using mud and crayons) and Who want's to be a quasi millionairo? (the top prize is 15euros and nobody has ever got past the second question) The country’s football fans consider Benfica to be the greatest football club in the world and have not yet realised that nobody outside of Portugal has ever heard of them. FIFA rating places them 2 points below Sheffield Wednesday and 1 above England’s over 60's womens team. When the British Embassy recently received the results of a questionnaire they had given to ex pats living in the Algarve it became evident that most of them had actually thought that they had been living in a shit part of Spain. Also, Lisbon has more homeless people than a coastal town that has just been hit by a tsunami and it's female population are required by law to have moustaches.