John Haack

The real life gigachad, the sigma male king. He lifts all the plates in the gym and makes any girls panties wet simply by dming them one of his 10,000,000,000 memes, no matter how uptight and thotty they are he gets the coochie. He is awkward rejecting societal norms and dressing up like a filthy frank character just to outlift and imasculate every male on the planet, therefore he is the ultimate sigma male. He has the haack squat named after him. Furthermore he is a true patriot. He blasts eminem, "now you're a man", and "murica fuck yeah" during his workouts. This contributes little to his overall chadliness and godlike abilities but it simply exemplifies his aura.