Jacksonville, FL

Ever watch the show "My Name is Earl"? Well, take all the characters, multiply them by 500,000, and you got Jacksonville: the most racist, backward, inbred city of cretins in America. A NASCAR lover's utopia of mullets, beerbellies, crooked cops (see the documentary "Murder on a Sunday Morning" to know I'm not lying), and people with unforking family trees. Jacksonville City Government is controlled by a Church/Cult/Hypocrisy center that keeps Jacksonville the badly dressed laughing stock of the other designer label Florida cities. Full of fat chicks with supermodel attitudes. EVERY, and buddy, I mean E-V-E-R-Y girl over the age of 16 is an unwed mother. The favorite vacation spot for most inhabitants is jail. The general landscape resembles a half occupied strip mall filled with vagrants and no end in sight, but people who live there love to say that it's the hottest city in Florida (snicker). KKK membership is mandatory to become a cop or city councilman. They have a beautiful new library that is always uncrowded, surprise, surprise. In summary, Jacksonville, Florida is the only city that a Category 5 hurricane would actually improve.