Hobbit

Our dear friend Hobbit, the undisputed king of backgammon mishaps, has somehow managed to forge a legendary career without ever troubling the scorers—or a trophy shelf. Known for his awe-inspiring ability to lose 80 points in a single evening at the St Albans Backgammon Club, Hobbit approaches each Tuesday like a man walking into battle armed only with a damp breadstick. His infamous fallout with the UK Backgammon Federation—sparked by a minor YouTube video that he insists was a “targeted psychological attack”—remains a mystery to most, including the Federation themselves. Temperamental as a cat in a rainstorm, Hobbit is convinced that backgammon boards are rigged, dice are cursed, and that the entire club meets weekly just to spite him. Yet, despite his flawless record of defeat, he bravely returns each week… presumably in search of the one cube he hasn’t managed to misplay yet.