hippo

-noun Short for "hippopotamus" (Hippopotamus amphibius) and one of only two extant species in the family Hippopotamidae. A large, funny-looking, semi-aquatic, mostly plant-eating African mammal resambling a fat horse-pig hybrid whose pissed off at life and spends most of its time slacking around and jerking off in ponds and rivers. Despite their stocky shape and short legs, hippos can easily outrun a human (some have been clocked at 30 mph (48 km/h), faster than an Olympic sprinter). They have a taste human babies, catholic priests, and crocodiles and are thought to be Africa's most dangerous animal. They are totally awesome and on the very top of the food chain, so they can eat whatever they want WHENEVER they want. People in Africa have learned to fear and respect hippos because of their fierce character and complete randomness, ironically, the same things that makes them so cool and awesome.