Heinz 57 Method

1. The scientific way to get ketchup out of an old style Heinz bottle 2. The preferred way to jerk-off or give a handy to an old man. Using Newton’s Law of Viscosity the handjob giver influences the fluid flow at a speed proportional to the force applied to it. Both involve the following two-handed jig process: Shake vigorously enough so that the solid particles unsettle. Next, turn upside down and thrust with both hands downwards at high speeds. This should help move the sauce into the neck, which is particularly important if your client is old and empty. Lastly, turn upright and karate-chop gently at the nape... careful as the sauce is guaranteed to flow!