GUNNERITIS

Gunneritis (n.) A chronic and incurable psychological condition affecting football fans, characterized by unwavering support for Arsenal Football Club despite repeated heartbreak, underachievement, and self-inflicted setbacks. Symptoms: False hope syndrome – Convincing oneself that "this is our year" every August, only to be mathematically humbled by March. Top 4 Fever – Viewing fourth place as a trophy and celebrating it accordingly. Trophy Hallucinations – Repeatedly reminiscing about the Invincibles era as if it happened yesterday, despite it being over two decades ago. Red Card Rage Disorder – A tendency for one’s team to collect unnecessary red cards at crucial moments, often ruining promising matches. Europa League Fatigue – The annual cycle of dropping from the Champions League group stage or bottling Europa League knockout rounds. Managerial Denial Syndrome – Believing every new manager is "the one," before inevitably calling for their sacking within three seasons. Spurs Obsession – Measuring success against Tottenham, even when finishing trophyless. Prognosis: No known cure. Condition worsens in February/March when the annual title collapse occurs. Symptoms temporarily subside after occasional FA Cup wins but quickly return. Treatment: Lower expectations. Embrace banter. Consider switching to a stress-free sport like chess. Accept that Arsenal will Arsenal, no matter what.