emo kid

there is a checklist that each emo kid must complete before she/he can say that she/he is truly "in touch" with her/his emocity: 1. any means of preventing food from entering one's body (including, but not limited to, choosing to eat a raw-only, macrobiotic diet that essentially excludes any foods found in a local grocery store, taking pills for her/his depression which decrease appetite, piercing one's mouth shut with upper and lower labret piercings) such that one's weight never exceeds 90 pounds (for boys it should be under 75) 2. wearing "skinny" fashion jeans that inhibit proper walking by making knee bending an ambitious activity to attempt 3. for guys, their shirts should ALWAYS be too small to fit their girlfriend, or the guy they are fucking on the side 4. emo hair is KEY!: fashion mullets, side parting the hair to the point that specially formulated adhesive glue is required to keep the hair to one side, and fashion rat tails make up the general choices 5. hair must be black or so blonde that it is indistinguishable from white. 6. must drive a vespa (or a car so small that only you and your skinniest friend can fit) 7. wrist bands are also necessary to cover up the so-called "suicide attempt" scars 8. must be in/have been in a band at some point. lyrics must discuss only those topics which make the listener want to kill his/herself. 9. black rimmed glasses or fashion contacts are necessary. if no actual vision problem is present, one emo kid must purposefully hurt the other emo kids vision so a prescription for said glasses can be obtained. 10. must be able to whine incessantly about how much she/he hates her/his life and discuss how hard it is living in their parents' house, eating their parents' food and using their parents' money to buy their emo clothes and band equipment. hating their parents' for being "soooo strict" is also part of the emo code of conduct. 11. writing "lyrics" (suicide notes) during class, in a dark bedroom, or under willow trees on windy days must be done often to prevent any distance from forming between said individual and their soul. 12. sex is NOT an option if you are emo. rubbing your naked bones against anothers' while crying and whispering that this is the "closest you've ever been to someone" is now your version of sex if you are emo. 13. if you don't have a MYSPACE, just give up now, becuase you will NEVER make it in the world of emocity. get a myspace, take 31563486 pictures of yourself in your bedroom (with your $500 digital camera that your parents bought you) and try to look AS SAD AS POSSIBLE! ABSOLUTELY NO SMILING IS ALLOWED! place witty captions under the photo that discuss how "awkward" or "weird" you look in the photo. discard the 31563485 other pictures that were ACTUALLY bad and never speak of them again. pictures taken of yourself from above or in your bathroom mirror are a good start. 14. on the off chance that you ever experience a good time in your life, NEVER show it! this would totally wreck your emo cred that has taken lots of good time to build in the scene!! it's a hard crawl to the top of that emo ladder. just train yourself to sigh and say "god i'm depressed about my girlfriend leaving me" everytime you're about to smile or laugh. 15. talk about how no one understands you (or your friends) but NEVER let anyone who does not fit the emo rules listed above into your group. this would be detrimental to your cred. 16. KILL YOURSELF.