Edgar Allan Poe

An american writer that is arguable the best poet in the history of the world. He also had the shittiest childhood ever. His mom got married when she was 16, when he was born his dad left him. His mom was an actor and played Juliet in Romeo and Juliet 8 times a week. Edgar watched his mother "fake" kill herself when he was 1, 2, and 3. His mother then died of consumption, and he watched her die. He then was adopted by a nice lady and a dick father. He actually fell in love with the lady, so the dad got jealous. Then that lady died of consumption, and the asshole father kicked edgar on the street. He then went to college and was a raging alcoholic and drug user. His birth-right aunt then found him and adopted him. He fell in love with his 10 and a half year old first cousin. Then his aunt died of consumption. So he married his first cousin, then became famous for his poem "The Raven". Then his young wife also died of consumption. However, he later became famous and was invited to write for a New York fat cat and earn lots of money. On the train there he stopped in Baltimore. Two guys grabbed him and got him drink off of hard lemonade, and they left him in the gutter while he was in a coma. He went to the hospital and died. Now if anyone does not agree that he had the shittiest life, you must be one sorry son of a bitch.