EDDIE

an irrelevant species that cannot seem to get any attention, so tries to stir things and lie about other people’s situations. when there’s a big reaction, he pretends this reflects his popularity and how much people like him. but usually he just gets bullied due to the fact he broke the law by shagging an underage girl, trying to conceal this from everyone for over a year but failing, as he cannot seem to do anything right. i’d avoid this particular species as there is a risk of catching aids, chlamydia and other undesirable diseases. he fits the stereotype of a ginger perfectly, if not exceeds it. he just manages to keep his friends (even though they too don’t like him “i’m really starting to dislike eddie”- Zeph Rubins) by inviting them round to his house and bribing them with alcohol. he is often located spying on children in mcdonald’s so beware. hide your underaged wife, and please, for gords sake, hide your kids.