Don Johnson

Miami Vice was based off of Don Johnson's sophomore year in high school. Don Johnson's barber attempted to shave him once. After fifty razor blades and eight quarts of shaving cream, he was finally able to remove his five o'clock shadow. This was all on his 3rd birthday. Don Johnson's good looks are able to bend space and time allowing him to exist in multiple dimensions at once. Unfortunately, Heartbeat isn't popular in any of them. Don Johnson hates to be called Crockett. Don Johnson's workout consists of 50 push-ups, 200 sit-ups, and sex with your mom. The gel in Don Johnson's hair is causing the polar ice caps to melt. Don Johnson used to bottle his sweat and sell it to single men claiming it will attract women. The product was later renamed Aqua Velva. Princess Diana's limo swerved, not to avoid the paparazzi, but to avoid Don Johnson's blazer. Even her driver knew it was sacred and dared not run it over. Don Johnson stole Mother Teresa's virginity. He then pawned it for cocaine. Don Johnson's nickname for his penis was the basis for Tony The Tiger. When he first proposed to Melanie Griffith, she said no. Let's just say it ended poorly for her and she soon changed her mind. While using cocaine, Don Johnson recorded 4 seasons of Miami Vice in a record breaking 12 hours. He won 2 Emmy's and was voted Teacher of the Year. The first American National Anthem was actually Heartbeat, by Don Johnson. Congress changed it after the powerful lyrics pushed the U.S. into war with Vietnam. Don Johnson's top score in Centipede is 23,987,004, which was pretty good considering that he got that far on one quarter and three bottles of Rebel Yell. The East Coast/West Coast Hip-Hop war officially came to an end when Don Johnson told the rappers to SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Don Johnson doesn't wear socks with his loafers, not because it's fashionable, but because he forgets.