Daily Express

A British newspaper, founded in 1900. Originally a broadsheet, it has been a tabloid for the past few decades. The paper was bought by pornographer Richard Desmond in 2000, and since then has been dragged downmarket in an attempt to cut costs. In fact, only 7 headlines are known to exist. DIANA DEATH KILLER WEATHER KILLER/HEALTHY FOODS YOU SHOULD AVOID/EAT EVIL IMMIGRANTS CANCER SCARE HOUSE PRICES MADELIENE Stories about DIANA DEATH are usually printed on Mondays as no news ever happens over the weekend in Expressland. The Express will print anything about Princess Diana as front page news. In August 2007 every headline from August 3 onwards was devoted to the missing toddler Madeleine McCann, often reporting on stories that for some reason the rest of the media would either not both reporting or put in a small column on page 25. The absence of anything remotely resembling Real News has caused many people to worry about the condition of the Daily Express for many years.