cougar

Pronunciation: \ˈkü-gər also -ˌgär\ Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural - cougars Etymology: French couguar, modification of New Latin cuguacuarana A cougar is a female mammal of the homo sapient family, 35-55 years old, found throughout most populated areas. A capable stalk-and-ambush predator, preying on much younger males, cougars can frequently be seen in urban and suburban densely-populated habitats with liquor licenses. A cougar's preferred prey item is usually but not always under 25, as cougars prefer to prey on younger men who have hair and get erections naturally. Typically solitary and territorial, cougars have been frequently observed hunting in packs while individual territory sizes depend on terrain, vegetation, and abundance of prey. A cougar's prime predation hours are late evenings to early mornings and especially during weekends. Cougars will typically leave their cubs with relatives, ex-husbands, ex-in-laws or an overnight sitter while hunting. Typically, cougars have been known to misrepresent their age to prey items due to the normally short duration of predation periods, from one night to several months, and having the advantage of a smokin' hot appearance allowing them to pass for a much younger animal such as a puma. Being older, wiser, and highly skilled; cougars pursue younger men more for their unwavering stamina than for materialism as is the case with the puma. Cougars crave the attention and thrill of an uncomplicated sexually intense relationship that younger men tend to offer. Although the term's urban use began pejoratively, it is now usually viewed as a compliment, as young men frequently enjoy being preyed upon by an attractive cougar or MILF. Physical characteristics Cougars are slender and agile standing 5 to 6 foot in height, without heels, with the ideal specimen averaging 36" inches around the chest, 26" around the waist and 36" around the hips and buttocks while weighing anywhere between 100 to 135lbs on average. The cougar's head is well maintained with a luxurious and frequently dyed mane and a painted-on face. The cougar has 10 claws on their forepaws and 10 shorter claws on their hind paws which typically are painted the same color. The cougar's skin varies in color from specimen to specimen and even between siblings due to natural skin pigments, make-up, sun exposure and spray on tans. Hair color, design or absence of hair in the pubic region of the cougar varies according to the cougar's preference and whether the carpet will match the curtains but typically the hair is darker than the mane in which the norm is a landing strip or a small semi-triangular patch. See also: lynx