COUCH DAY

The day of hell after a particularly heavy night of drinking. The resulting hangover is so bad that you are forced to stay on your couch all day to recouperate. Ingredients for setting up your very own COUCH DAY: 1. A long shower. 2. A gallon of cold water. 3. Half a loaf of white bread from your nearest dining hall or supermarket. 4. A confortable couch in a cool, dark room. 5. Suitably mellow music by the singer/songwriter du jour. 6. Tylenol or Advil. 7. Your phone. Instructions: 1. Crawl to the shower and stay there as long as possible. 2. Do not allow yourself to sit in the shower, as people piss in there all the time. 3. Put a shitload of water in your fridge. 4. Have a sympathizer get you half a loaf of white bread. 5. Turn on the John Mayer / Jason Mraz / Howie Day. 6. Take the Tylenol or Advil and retire to your couch. 7. Eat the bread and sip on your cold water. 8. Stay put. Sudden movement will make you toss up the bread you've been munching on. 9. Using your phone, call everyone you know and describe how horrible you are feeling and swear to them that you are never drinking again. 10. Reconstruct the events of the evening that led to your COUCH DAY. 11. Avoid bright light at all times.