Copper Goblin

Meth heads, tweakers and junkies have a penchant for precious metals and other bartering goods, copper, in particular. They can be seen rummaging through dumpsters around industrial complexes but are most commonly spotted under the hood of a Kia in a nightclub parking lot. Typical markings include: someone else’s discarded cigarette butt hanging, stuck to their bottom lip; shorts so dirty you wonder how they could possibly get that way; a ripped football T-shirt from a Super Bowl in the 90’s; and sometimes during breeding season, a white plastic ‘thank you’ bag tied in a knot filled with various unknown goods. Juveniles have a full set of teeth; adults have few to no teeth. One particularly unique trait of this goblin is a distinct musk gland that emits an odor akin to lukewarm scrotum and industrial paint thinner. If one sees a questionable act they must shout in an authoritative voice from a distance or shine bright light upon the subject in question. If the subject proceeds to scatter towards a nearby chain link fence holding their arms to their chest with a full ripped t shirt of scrap metal like a frightened squirrel- one has positively identified a Copper Goblin.