Compressed Beef

Usually a flat, round piece of beef often referred to as a 'burger' or 'patty'. The production of this involves using the bicep meat of well-trained cows capable of many impressive arm curls. This is then 'compressed' using a machine featuring an array of logs which pummel the meat into a circular representation of submission. Compressed beef is often flame-grilled in secret, and traditionally served by Meat Representatives of a non-English origin. The first ever use of compressed beef in this fashion was pioneered by Terry Nutkins in 1944 in an attempt to pacify the Nazi threat of the time.