Colbert

The act of true American patriotism in bed. First, purchase greeter smocks from Wal-Mart, which will be the only clothing worn. then, use a jug of oil (bonus points if it's from the deep-fryer at McDonald's or motor oil from GM) and slather it on each other. Then, while watching Leave it to Beaver, Full House or a similar wholesome family sitcom, bust a nut on the female proclaiming "you just got punk'd". In retaliation, the woman takes a hot dog and eating-contest style, slides it fully into her throat, then turns over her partner and, again only using her mouth, pushes it between his ass cheeks. She then is free to bind his hands and waterboard him with urine. Top it all off by sticking a mini American flag in the hot dog while watching The O'Reilly Factor and listening to Howard Stern.