classy alcoholic

A person who has a severe alcohol problem in which they try to hide by calling it "classy". Most classy alcoholics are short and fat, due to lack of excersize and unhealthy eating habits and they are either from Jersey or pretend to be from Jersey (Snooky from The Jersey Shore). This term is used to mask a persons alcoholic behaviors from public ridicule and avoid interference from family members and friends who are trying to help. Common characteristics of a classy alcoholic are sleeping thoughout the day and staying up all night, consuming massive amounts of alcohol on religious days such as sundays, wearing clothing that is entirely too tight which shows every lump of a persons body, loud and belligerent public behavior, streams of cuss words when on the phone (especially with family members), rude and pigheadedness, and the belief that they are a princess when in fact, they are no more than fat, annoying, people who talk shit about others in order to cover up that they have a drinking problem and they hate their lives. Classy alcoholics can trip and fall without spilling one drop of their SoCo (Southern Comfort) which can be beneficial at times. The lack of true friends and pain of living a promiscuous and loveless life will eventually kill the classy alcoholics faster than the eminent alcohol poisoning in their futures.