claremont mckenna

Also known as CMC. "1. A second-tier liberal arts college." --Well, I suppose if the 2nd tier starts at #10 nationwide according to US News & World Report, then I'm more than happy to be second-tier until the day I die! But honestly, who cares about rankings after high school? Once you hit college, it's all about who can get the most drunk before passing out. "2. A college primarily attended by males who are sexual predators." --And we still have the best-looking girls at the 5Cs. We're so good the chicks keep enrolling here, even if some of the guys have a rap sheet like Kobe's. "3. A college with a campus resembling a motel." --Which is exactly why North Quad is so damned fun! It's also because we try to keep our alcoholics in a more public place so that they don't drink alone all the time. I still do, but that's because of my unwavering dedication to self-improvement. "4. A college obsessed with its inferiority to near-by rival institutions, a complex which often leads to meat-headed overcompensation by many students." --You're confused. We arrived as meatheads, our dislike for the nearby rival institution being 100% independent thereof. You can have the #3 ranking because I don't give two shits, and when I'm drunk, in about two hours, I really won't give a shit. "5. A college with an awesome and friendly exhibition chef." --You're damn right. CMC also has a pretty fierce rivalry with Pomona College, one of the schools adjacent to its campus, which might have become apparent by reading this entry. CMCers are known to epitomize badassedness and exhibit extreme behavior, particularly in the realm of binge drinking. Fortunately, the term "binge drinking" was coined by paternalistic douchebags and is therefore a moot point. As far as I'm concerned, a bottle of whisky is perfectly normal for a Tuesday night.