Chelsea FC

Also see Chelski. A Russian soccer team (should no longer be considered English in origin) housed by London, England. Are the toy of Russian gangster Roman Abramovich (who, for the record, cannot speak English). Use Abramovich's dirty money in an attempt to sign whomever they wish but are often turned down (as was the case with Real Madrid's Raul) as they are 99.9% style and 0.01% substance. Have a limited (and much muted) fan base. Bought the Carling Cup at the expense of Liverpool FC and, more recently, the Premiership at the expense of Arsenal FC and Manchester United FC. Are now attempting to buy the European Cup at the expense of Liverpool and AC Milan/PSV Eindhoven. May succeed (but underservedly so). Are in possession of the most expensive (and cheating) squad in the world (including ball-handling expert Tiago). Are 2005's team and will prove to be 2005's team only.