chav

Lovers of all things cheap and tacky, the chav is the lowest form of life in British society. When not committing grand theft auto, assault and GBH they normally congregate in urban areas especially outside Co-Ops, McDonald's and beer gardens, as their youthful appearance and demeanour restricts them from entering public houses or purchasing alcohol. Once they have reinforced their numbers, they will proceed to hand out both verbal and physical beatings to any passing unsuspecting and innocent member of the public. Scientists have studied this behaviour and have estimated that such acts are performed in order to compensate for small genitalia. Their normal mode of dress can include caps hoodies and cheap knock-off "trackies". Chavs have close relations with magpies as they love all things shiny or "bling". Until driving age, chavs' mode of travel is by double-decker bus, where according to chav law, it is mandatory to sit upstairs on the back seat playing R n B, hip hop or "hardcore" dance music such as "niche" or "casolocos" very loudly from surprisingly expensive phones with MP3 player facilities. Chav law also states that they must be as loud and annoying as possible, and must bang on windows and make V signs to every passing vehicle. Chavettes, or female chavs, are the primary scroungers of the species. Chav law dictates the production of children from as early an age as possible in order to gain wealth from the state. Normal citizens utilise contaceptives, however, the chav has been linked strongly with Catholicism whereby contraceptives are prohibited. Social scientists have yet to discover whether there is a deeper religious meaning to this or whether they are too stupid to use contraception when having sex purely for pleasure.