Carradine

In order to perform a proper Carradine, one must purchase the following items: a noose, tinted spotter goggles, a jar of Vaseline, and a sharp knife/scissors. Following purchase of these items, you must first find a close friend or relative to spot you using your tinted spotter goggles -- this will ensure they are not able to see your shameful act. After giving yourself a partial erection (with use of the Vaseline), proceed to hang yourself from the nearest door or the darkest corner of an available room. Once you have achieved full erection and are masturbating furiously while your oxygen supply becomes ever limited, your friend must stand closely with the knife/scissors to cut the rope.