Captain Crank
A half-functioning fishing captain powered by nicotine, meth, and pure coastal paranoia. Captain Crank is the guy screaming about government satellites while freebasing off tin foil in the engine room of a rusted-out commercial boat—or chain-smoking through a guided trip while cussing at seagulls and mumbling about “the deep state tracking red snapper migrations.” Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret. Spotting Characteristics: - Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke - Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite - Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on” - Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016 - Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler Common Habitats: - Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge - Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared - VFW bars with broken pool tables - Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
The Urban Dictionary Tee
Love it! Buyed it for my sister but I had to make it say her favorite anime 💀✨
LOVR THIS SHIRT OML SO CUTEEEEE😍😍😍
mine had gay on it. Instant sex.
I love my NIckIsBum T-Shirt, it is very comfortable.
used it as a cum rag
Great fit and soft material. Gave as gift. Big hit!
Great conversation piece! Plus I can never find anything with my name on it. This was a great find! Will definitely order more!!!!
Got exactly what I wanted.
Exactly what I expected, thanks!
I don't visit Urban Dictionary alit so I only recently saw they offered merch. I immediately started looking up words for potential Christmas gifts. Found the ideal gift for my brother & ordered a shirt. It arrived very quickly and I love it. It's exactly as pictured on the site and being able to customize it with his name makes it perfect. I only hope he loves it as much as I do. Will definitely keep Urban Dictionary in mind when I need to find a great gift.
i love my shirt i made it say sapnap cause yassssssssss
Best This is the best shirt I have ever gotten I love it and I definitly recomend it to any friend named Hailie
So cool to quickly be able to turn a trending phrase into wearable art!
it was really good i put dad with the def of tfu and lol
*clap* *clap* MEME REVIEW. this is so amazing, alexa play despacito 9001
Love this shirt. Got it for my brother for Christmas and I can’t wait for his reaction! Ordered size L and it seems maybe a little big? Thank you!
thankyou for all your kind reviews. For everyone complaining about the spelling we was high on the bezamine while writing it so fuck youuuuuu
I love it
I really love it it's me through and through. Thank you. And when I want another shirt made I will be going through you guys.
ThIs is perfect
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Size Guide
Measurements may vary by up to 2" (5 cm). Pro tip: Measure one of your t-shirts at home and compare!
A - Length
Measure from the top of the collar to the bottom hem
B - Width
Measure across the chest from armpit to armpit
Size Chart
| Size | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 27" | 16½" |
| S | 28" | 18" |
| M | 29" | 20" |
| L | 30" | 22" |
| XL | 31" | 24" |
| 2XL | 32" | 26" |
| 3XL | 33" | 28" |
| Size | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 69 cm | 42 cm |
| S | 71 cm | 46 cm |
| M | 74 cm | 51 cm |
| L | 76 cm | 56 cm |
| XL | 79 cm | 61 cm |
| 2XL | 81 cm | 66 cm |
| 3XL | 84 cm | 71 cm |