Captain Crank Tee
A half-functioning fishing captain powered by nicotine, meth, and pure coastal paranoia. Captain Crank is the guy screaming about government satellites while freebasing off tin foil in the engine room of a rusted-out commercial boat—or chain-smoking through a guided trip while cussing at seagulls and mumbling about “the deep state tracking red snapper migrations.” Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret. Spotting Characteristics: - Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke - Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite - Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on” - Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016 - Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler Common Habitats: - Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge - Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared - VFW bars with broken pool tables - Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
The Urban Dictionary Tee
Customer Reviews
mine says "ass" on it lol
Good Decent, comfortable by all means
My wife bought this for me, my only thing about the shirt, is the big Vernon on the front. I think I would prefer it situated and smaller type as if overva pocket. Other than that I love it. Seems to be of good quality and easy wearability, but I have only tried it on, so am uncertain. Thank you for making my day
shirt made me cum
Dick Aww man I love this shirt for eating
people shat on my shirt that said shart and im mad they took a shit on it instead of a shart
Necero's shirt i can use this in almost every phrase. This shirt allows me to do some great stuff with my kids and grandkids! i'd love for anyone who says same to get this shirt!
Bad! Why is this T-shirt named shitty fucking??What a bad name it is!Recommend?Never!😡
The shirts are amazing! I will be ordering again. And recommend them to others 🙂
My UD shirts are my favorites. They fit well, last long, and are unique. I always have people reading my back.
Amazing This shirt is SOOOOO comfortable and I love the definition
BEST SHIRT OF ALL TIME THIS IS THE BEST SHIRT OF ALL TIME. LITERAL FUCKING HELL OF A PLACE HAS BECOME A PART OF MY EVERDAY VOCABULARY AND I RECOMMEND IT FOR ANYONE WHO IS FORCED TO SIT IN A PLACE THEY HATE FOR AN HOUR EVERDAY. GO BUY THE MUG, SHIRT, OR SWEATSHIRT NOW!
Awesome tshirt This tshirt is awesome but my name isn't actually Jayson but i bought it for his b-day
good is it very. i like shirt much,,,,, it contabfortable like it i do.
The Fucklix t shirt is perfect but I am still waiting for the xlarge I ordered. These are gifts and will be just what is needed. Hope I receive the xlarge soon then it's time to give them to the people I ordered them for. So glad I saw them . Thanks.
My wife loves it. Nice quality and so funny for the wearer. Thank you!
The shirt fit amazing, package was shipped rather fast! Thank you so much..
It is absolutely perfect and I love wearing it. Thank You.
Love the short mine says bih on it
this shit stays on during sex