Anorexia

Anorexia is apart of a serious group of mental disorders, typically found in female or feminine individuals, they don't feel good enough and will limit/reject food and are often good at math thanks to the calories they count everyday. But what does it feel like? You may ask, well you are just in luck because I am indeed Anorexic myself. Essentially you look in the mirror and no matter how thin you actually are you can't help but notice your curves are gone or your boobs are shrinking or your stomach isn't flattening like you wanted it to and no matter how hard you actually try you can't see yourself as anything but fat and useless, it's like drowning in an endless puddle of shame and diet pills with no hand to help you up no matter how much you scream or cry for help there is NO ONE but the endless nights of just vodka menthol cigarettes and red lipstick to make you feel like yourself again, a constant bar of goals and standards you set for yourself and even if you put on high heels the bar only gets higher and higher for yourself before you can even touch it. You end up drinking so much water that your body becomes a bath tub that your organs begin to float in it like loofahs. You just end up feeling so incredibly cold in a warm room. You feel so weak and shaky, and you want to stop but your body physically can't process that it needs food any more because of how much you deprived it from it. Not wanting to die isn't the same as wanting to recover.