jefferson township

Population: 20,000+. Area: 40+ Square Miles. Government: Senile. A collection of small shit towns in northern NJ, many up which are totally unrecognizable by name outside of a 5 minute driving radius, mainly: oak ridge, Milton, cozy lake, lake Shawnee, and lake Hopatcong. This place is also affectionately known as “J-town” by its residents, mainly those who (for no provable reason) think that the JTHS football team is good or can even beat Pope John more than once per hundred years. With its over 95% white demographic and close proximity to Sussex County, its home to many all-American morons. From inbred racists to drunken Harley riders, confederate flag waving pick-up truck drivers, NIMBY cell tower protestors, gothic-dressing high school kinds and the white thug and Tokyo Drift wanna-be’s, displays of authentic Jefferson moronism are in no short supply. Many have speculated that this is a direct result of boredom. There is a definitely lack of amusements in the area, which means cliff parties and self-tattooing are common pastimes. Fun with hair dyes and mailbox baseball fill the time between those activities previously mentioned. Jefferson is showing signs of improvement. In a recent census, it is believed that the number of people with a full set of teeth now outnumbers those who don’t. These results are have been challenged by neighboring townships claiming there is a link between literacy and having teeth, and the woodchucks and completely toothless of Jefferson can’t report their status because they could not read the census form and did not have an interpreter. Like many idioms, simply saying “Jefferson Township” or merely just “Jefferson” or “J-town” immediately conjures up a reaction and a common understanding of what is being talked about. It’s almost never in a good way, but in most cases, its “enough said”…..