Vampire
1 (Literal definition). A fictional monster of myth and legend that sucks blood and burns in sunlight and holy water. They are undead and their status as a vampire is highly contagious, due to the fact that a vampire's bite on the neck will turn the victim into a vampire, thus causing a vampire breakout. A vampire will sleep in a coffin by day and come out at night to feed on human and/or animal blood. They tend to have a high relation to bats, as they have capes that slightly resemble bat wings and they can transform into a bat. Vampires typically wear formal white suits or other uniforms; pairing them with black shoes, red bow ties, and a large, black cape. A vampire bites its victim in the area in between the neck and the shoulder, and it has large, menacing fangs; extremely pale skin, and, occasionally, claws. 2 (Personal definition). A creature that began to turn un-cool after the release of the piece of crap that they call a book "Twilight." Edward Cullen and Stephanie Meyer completely turned vampires into pretty-boy, non-human-blood-sucking, sparkly, twiggy wimps. A vampire is supposed to BURN in sunlight, not sparkle in it; a vampire must kill everything, not go 'Oh, I'm so wimpy that I'm not gonna hurt humans.'; a vampire must be evil, not nice. The modern definition of Vampire is now "A little lover creature that sparkles in sunlight and will not hurt humans." I swear, I hate Twilight for messing up the true meaning of the word "vampire."
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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It is amazing I was having a bad day and I read this. My name is Evan and this made me happy
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