Tree Farmer

A cycling term: Most commonly used in the mountain biking sector of cycling. Tree Farmer is used to describe a certain group of cyclists. This group includes individuals that talk like they are gods of cycling, dress like they are participating in a championship race, exaggerates distances traveled or stunts performed, and do not have any cycling skills whatsoever. A common maneuver of a tree farmer is to stop in the middle of an uphill trail to fix a broken part; in actuality there is nothing wrong with the bike but they needed to make up an excuse why their fat ass couldn’t make it up the small hill. Tree Farmers are often identified by the quality of gear used. The bikes are usually brands like Magna, Mongoose, or any others sold at Meijers, Target, and Wal-Mart. These bikes seem to weigh over 50lbs, made of steel, and still have the reflectors and kickstand on them. The bikes make a distinctive “eeeeee eeerrrrr………ping” noise as the tree farmer grinds the shit out of the cheap-ass parts on the bike. Tree Farmers also have a reputation to talk about “tearing the shit up” on a planned ride, but usually come up with some retarded excuse why they can’t go (“Man, my dog ate my bike”).