Tikka Paneer Trainwreck
Tikka Paneer Trainwreck (noun) The dirtiest manoeuvre ever conceived, banned in five boroughs and three gurdwaras. Begins in a Slough bedsit when Amrit microwaves a tray of Tesco’s Tikka Paneer Ready Meal till it’s bubbling like lava, then pours the scalding curry straight down Jatinder’s crack. Meanwhile, Lovepreet’s got a naan wrapped round his cock like a condom, railing him so hard the curry splashes onto the walls like Jackson Pollock. Parmjit’s on the side, scooping the paneer cubes out with two fingers and shoving them into Harinder’s mouth, who’s gagging but chewing like it’s communion. Halfway through, Jaspreet pukes into the curry tray from the smell — only for Daljit to stir it back in and keep going, chanting “extra sauce, bruv.” By the end, the room looks like a tandoori war crime — orange splatters everywhere, someone’s foreskin fused to a naan, and the stench of tikka, ass, and trauma seeping into the carpets.
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