squornshellous system
Squornshellous System Squornshellous System is a four-star system 27 light-years from earth. Squornshellous Alpha The first planet in from the four-star system Squornshellous, it is very cold and inhabited by giant, burrowing mattresses that spit acid. Squornshellous Beta Two planets in from Squornshellous Zeta, it is inhabited by square cushions whom enjoy being rubbed up against, especially with people's shoulders. Unlike Squornshellous Zeta, it has desert terrain rather than swamps. Squornshellous Delta The second planet in between Squornshellous Zeta and Beta, it is inhabited by flying pillows--there is no solid ground but only infinite clouds. Squornshellous Gamma Squornshellous Gamma is a quite, hot, bumpy little planet, with a thick, dense atmosphere. Probably the worst place to crash, because communication to other planets is impossible, due to the thick atmosphere, and the rain is solid. The 12' by 9' cushions have only a five-second memory--they'll ask you who you are first, then who they are next, and, needless to say, most people die of annoyance within an hour. Squornshellous Zeta Dimly illuminated and very very swamp-intensive, Squornshellous Zeta is the source of almost all the Galaxy's mattresses. Said mattresses (all of which are called Zem) spend most of their time flolloping, globbering, volluing, and vooning. Said activities make the planet a favourite destination of etymologists. The Zem themselves remain a foot tall, until they are freeze-dryed and cleaned, and made into mattress-size corpses (which are promptly used as mattresses). It is a process which, strangely enough, they don't seem to mind at all. Marvin the Paranoid Android was invited to the planet to give a speech marking the opening of a giant new bridge intended to revive the economy of the Squornshellous System, said bridge also costing the total sum of the economy of the entire planet to create and the whole ceremony ended in tears. Marvin was plugged into the bridge and the whole cyberstructure instantly folded itself up and collapsed (presumably after being directly exposed to Marvin's chronically depressed view of the Universe). Marvin was left stranded in the swamp with only the mattresses to talk to, until robots from Krikkit stole his leg, and then the rest of him.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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