snog scale

a scale used to define where you are dating wise 5 sticky eyes (Be careful using this. I’ve still got some complete twit following me around like a seeing-eye dog.) 1 holding hands 2 arm around 3 goodnight kiss 4 kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath (What you need for this is a sad mate who’s got a watch but no boyfriend.) 4.5 hand snogging (I really don’t want to go into this. Ask Jas.) 5 open mouth kissing 6 tongues 6.5 ear snogging 6.75 neck nuzzling 7 upper body fondling – outdoors 8 upper body fondling – indoors (in bed) Virtual number 8 (When your upper body is not actually being fondled in reality, but you know that it is in your snoggees head.) 9 below waist activity (or bwa) (Apparently this can include flashing your pants. Don’t blame me. Ask Jules.) 10 the full monty (Jas and I were in the room when Dad was watching the news and the newscaster said, “Tonight the Prime Minister has reached Number 10.” And Jas and I had a laughing spaz to end all laughing spazzes.)