Sewer Baby

The offspring formed when a man's ejaculate (usually released in the shower) meets a woman's menstruation (usually flushed down the toilet) in a municipal sewer system. A sewer baby's diet varies. Stomach samples taken show a large percentage of rodents, feces, tampons, goldfish and sewer babies. To digest fibrous material, such as tampons and toilet tissue, the sewer baby has evolved two, sometimes four ruminating stomachs containing various forms of bacteria. Sewer babies are vile. They are incapable of forming colonies as they are cannibalistic. Reproduction occurs via simple spores distributed aquatically. Webbed feet and hands are the norm. Deformities are common among sewer babies, most notably missing limbs, soft skulls, bruised skin, and in-grown hairs. It should be noted that these in-grown hairs are always accompanied by blood, puss, and an unknown brown fluid. Eighty percent of the body weight is contained in the head. Sewer babies craniums show an exceptionally rapid growth rate. It is rare for a sewer baby to see their first birthday. After approximately eleven months, the sheer weight of the cranium cannot be supported by the noodle like neck. Serious head trauma usually results after a drastic fall. These catastrophic events result in a feeding frenzy where the sound of thrashing and splashing bodies can be heard from the streets above.