Rollerblading
A sport that gained a particular popularity during the mid-90's. It involves either soft- or hard- shelled boots mounted on top of rails attached to between three and five wheels each. There is often a level of malcontent associated with rollerblades in the minds of Average Joe, as the techniques required to become proficient take a fair amount of time and perseverance, all the while dwarfing the learner's superiority complex as he flails his arms and falls flat on his face time after time. Many claim that rollerblading is a characteristically homosexual endeavor,though there is little evidence to support this unless redneck logic is employed. On the contrary, a skilled skater has proven to be more than averagely desirable to the opposite sex. The sport endures endless scrutiny due to the before mentioned difficulties in the early stages of practice. It is most heavily bombarded in skateboarding culture (the one populated by teenaged stoners, rather than skilled athletes,) where claims are made that it's not as risky as skateboarding and therefor not as "hardcore." This is not the case, as a skateboard solicits the option of detaching oneself from the convention of wheels in mid-fall, whereas inline or quad skates offer no such puss-out ability, and one's folly yields full, painful consequences. Rollerblading breaks down into several styles, among which are speed skating, urban skating in a fashion similar to parkour, park skating in a skate park environment, hockey skating, and figure/jam skating, the least common. Each style utilizes a specific variation of equipment with differences in wheel size, ankle flexibility, elevation of wheel rails, and quality of bearings and wheel material. Rollerblades can be rented at rock-bottom prices from your local roller rink, assuming that they are to be used in said rink. Often times there is a DJ or professional skater on duty that will be more than willing to help a beginner with the basics.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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