Rasputin
Born in 1869 as a peasant in Russia, this man had a serious sexual appetite which he exploited to its limits. Based on some of his preserved remains in a Russian museum, he had a 13-inch long penis, and legend has it that he used special powers to fuck over 100,000 women, including the Tzar's wife, the Tzar's four daughters, the Tzar's chambermaids, and the servant-girls in the Tzar's palace. That or he just pulled his pants down in their presence. Rasputin started out as an alcoholic womanizer and joined a variation of Russian Orthodoxy called Skopsty, which is founded on the belief that the only way to reach God is through sin. when Rasputin finally became a monk, he travelled a lot, fucking to his heart's content, and tales of his travels and the supposed "magical healing powers" that the monk attained reached the ears of Tzar Nicholas II, whose son was ailing with hemophilia. Rasputin somehow managed to heal the boy and became an important person in the Tzars house. However, the Tzar's relatives were not too happy about the monk fucking their women with his 13-inch cock on a daily basis, so they conspired to kill him. One night, Rasputin was invited by the conspirators to dinner. Everything was all planned out that night. He was supposed to drink the poisoned wine and eat the poisoned food and die. But that was not the case, because the Tzar's relatives saw in shock as the monk ate and drank enough poison to kill 6 people, and didn't seem to show any symptoms at all. So, they switched to plan B. They shot him, and found out that it didn't kill him. They kicked the crap out of him and saw that he was still twitching. They cut his dick off, and saw that it didn't work. They stabbed him repeatedly, but HE STILL DIDN'T DIE. So they finally wrapped up Rasputin's broken, breathing body and threw it into a river, where he finally died after several hours. Unfortunately for the Tzar's family, they were assassinated four months later, ending the Romanov family line permanently. Rasputin can also sometimes be used as a slang word for a big penis.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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