Randy Black

The redneck version of Chuck Norris. He is more recognizable, respectable, and more omnipotent. He does not date ugly women, even sugar mamas. He can imbibe an infinite amount of beer before he becomes drunk. He is an exellent golfer, the best in whichever state he is currently occupying. He was in Korea, even if he's in his 20's or his 90's. He knows more about every single SEC football team than everyone else in the world. He becomes an owner of a pub simply by drinking there. He usually has a shrill, nigh feminine laugh, but a staredown that will make your head explode. He is probably only about 5 feet and a half tall, but he'd wipe the floor with your candy-tail. He should have a tattoo on one of his arms (usually right), which is always a dangerous creature, that comes alive and strikes at his command. He can kill you by drinking himself to your death. He hates blacks, but his GMC truck is sittin' on twenty-fo' dubbs. And if you say anything to him about it, he will erase your existence from ever having happened. He is more man than you could ever believe. His father most likely had the name of a dog. He killed Koreans for a living. He uses babies as gasoline. He has pink short-shorts. They're awesome.