Quaker State

Definitions: 1.) Not necessarily a quaint colloquialism for the State of PA. 2.) Like unto the oil that keeps this organization running smoothly. Imparts quick and prominent advantage over other departments. 3.) One who is not ethically, spiritually, or physically disoriented. 4.) One who is factually unencumbered, differently qualified, specially skilled, and uniquely proficient allowing one to cut through red tape. 5.) Ability to take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand nor hope to fulfill. Job Descriptions: 1.) Ability to read things that do not matter, then write reports explaining how they do matter. 2.) Make corporate propaganda read like folksy truisms. 3.) Prioritization and crisis management. 4.) Provide arcane information on a need to know basis. Benefits: 1.) Likely to advance in economic and social standing. 2.) Cafeteria plan and other program benefits.