Poop

A blob in various shapes and sizes which exits you anus at various speeds. There are more than one type of poop: The Classic: The poop that warns you and says "Hey you have to poop" then you go, it slips out easily , and you only have to wipe once. AKA: The dream poop. The Shotgun: This poop is rather unpleasant. There is no warning and the poop says "YOU HAVE TO POOP NOW! QUICK OR ELSE YOU WONT MAKE IT!" so you sprint to the bathroom and start pooping before you even hit the seat. You are finished pooping within a matter of seconds but the wiping takes about 24.34 minutes. The Ice Cream Machine: This type of poop lives up to it's name well. It gives little warning but at least enough to put toilet paper on the seat if you're in a public restroom. It comes out as either a viscous liquid or a very chunky soup. This one is by far the longest one to wipe. The Houdini: This poop is a trickster. You know it came out but you never heard it hit the water. So you peek around to check the toilet...and it's gone! The Tsunami: This is usually a very hard and large poop, but it can also be a shotgun poop. You are sitting and pushing away and it comes out. You are about to sigh in relief when a very cold splash of water laps your butt. Not a good time. The False Alarm: You are alerted that a poop is nearing your anus so you run into the bathroom and sit down. Unfortunately that poop turned out to be a very loud series of farts. The Liar: You have noticed your sphincter is getting a little antsy, so you head for the bathroom. You sit down and start pushing away but nothing comes out. But here it comes, you can feel it. You start pushing, it is a battle between the poop and human race. So eventually you win and you look in the toilet to see your accomplishment and to your surprise there is a M&M sized poop staring right back, mocking you. Jack the Ripper: This poop is too big. Plain and simple. A quarter sized hole can't plop out a half-dollar piece! WHAT WAS MY LOWER INTESTINE THINKING?! Last but not least... The Army: This poop is the most unpleasant of all. you got done pooping a pure liquid concoction and you wipe till your hole is sore. So you get up and your butt says "Oh no!You're not done! Sit back down there!" so after another barrage or poop soup you wipe that painful hole again and stand up. and once again your butt disagrees with you. So you end up sitting on the toilet with your head in you hands asking yourself "WHEN IS IT GOING TO END!?"