Phillium

A medicine used to reverse the effects of heterosexuality and the initial gender. This drug has a difficult time spelling the word "comet" and gets a little 'too' intimate with kittens and frogs. The drug can take the form of a drunk and cursing sailor when the parental presence is absent, and the user is weak-willed. Phillium was created by the Derp. Foundation in 1992 from the pressure of the intelligent community who wanted a drug to dumb themselves down without the pressure of being stupid. WARNING: Taking Phillium can result in any of the following symptoms: Stupidity, infertility, being a no life, having chairs thrown at you, being told to make a male figure a sandwich, growing a vagina, having a fondness for pie, death by harpoon impalement, being attracted to anything fury, rubbing yourself on the couch, stealing money in the form of ten dollar bills, repulsing woman, trying to wrestle a frog, anxiety, getting killed before scoring with the flag, being really white, losing your job, pregnancy, woman-like giggling, hair-loss, heart-pain, suicidal thoughts, being really nerdy and not realizing it even though everyone you have ever known has either told you or agreed with someone else who has but you continue on believing your cool while you sit in your room drooling over that periodic table on your wall, and cancer.