New Canaan Police

A piss-poor excuse for a police department that "serves" the town of Orange Coun - er, New Canaan Connecticut. Due to the absence of any real crime in New Canaan, the responsibilities of the glorious NCPD includes pulling over newly licensed teenagers for 5-10mph speeding and bitching at them like they just committed homicide. It's a real good thing they stuck it to those hardened criminals by putting unnecessary blemishes on their driving records and skyrocketing their parents' insurance premiums. Go New Canaan. The flagship officers of the department often secure the more high-risk calls, such as standing around like dumbasses at school dances and other events, and then make frequent visits to the school parking lot for the rest of the night where they intercept teenagers returning to pick up their cars after having some fun with their friends, question them, and often breathalyze them as they do at the entrance to every school dance. Even more pitiful than the police who ride around in their cruisers searching for teenagers to harass while they ignore the real threat - braindead trophy wives driving on their cell phones - are the "Bike Patrol Corps." Yes, New Canaan Police have their very own BIKE SQUAD. Consisting of the cops that were too much of an embarrassment even on standard traffic duty, the Bike Patrol cops endure a 2 week training course the police themselves describe as "RIGOROUS" to become bike cops. Requirements for admission to the bike corps include the following... -The balls to wear short-shorts over your gelatinous, hairy legs -The ability to ride a bike without training wheels -Total lack of self-esteem