myspace

Myspace is the most pathetic yet common excuse to scream to the whole world, hey look how cute, sexy, funny, adorable, fill in blank here that I can be. People who have myspace justify their reasoning to the more knowledgable people in the world who don't have myspace by claiming that they: a) Have it just to keep in touch b) All their friends have it c) To stay updated on their bands. The list of fake excuses goes on and on, such as boredom, but basically the truth is that myspace users become self proclaimed internet celebrities. Big deal that you whored yourself and begged others to do so for you so that you could gain 5000 internet buddies who are all people you don't know from different states and you never talk to. But of course, it makes you look more popular right? And everybody knows the popular people own some unnamed right to declare themselves better than anyone who they don't think is as pretty or popular as themself. Now that you're a part of this demographic, you must understand that you have to take 50 pictures all from a variety of angles, as well as different lighting and outfits, then pick the best 3 to post on your page. Remember, scene is in so your hair must be black with bleach blonde chunks, parted at an angle usually covering your eyes and cut so that it looks like a 5-year-old did it for you. Massive amounts of eyeliner is extremely important. Make sure you post plenty of bulletins so all your friends are aware of this new update so they can go comment your pics and tell you how good you look. But the cool thing to do is not respond to anyone who doesn't appear as cool as you are. Make sure your top 8 is all attractive, myspace elite as well. You have an impression to make. C'mon, you never know when your ex who's been happily dating his perfect girlfriend for 2 years might obsessively review your page 12 times a day and see one of your wannabe in a magazine photos and dump her for you right? Or the most gorgeous guy you ever saw might see your page and you could meet face to face aside from the fact that he lives 3,000 miles away and just happens to be really talented with photoshop, aka the "you look better on myspace" t-shirt from Hot Topic. Or maybe, your old best friend will see how many other losers are friends with you and view the number of comments you have then change her mind about haulting the friendship with such a social butterfly. Don't forget to give little MTV like shout-outs to all the people in your life that you 'love.' This really translates to, post pictures of the scene kids you barely know or may only know online and write underneath how great they are and how nobody compares. Make lists under your 'General' interests of the most random yet mindless crap you can come up with. Make sure you NEVER deny a friend request because its just another admiring fan and adds to your friend list count, but DO NOT ever acknowledge their existence otherwise. Your 'About Me' should be short and sweet, but clearly get the point across that you're an overrated bitch with an attitude and not only do you know it, you're proud of it. One last thing- your display name should have a twist of your own sense of humor of something that really isn't that funny, have hardcore or some lame group like ADF posted next to it, or turned into something that makes you appear to be slightly original, like Kadi Doll. If you must, be creative and make some info up or write whatever you can that will help boost your image. Nobody has to know that you actually listen to emo or hate Norma Jean (but you always wear that shirt to shows and says its your fav band). All that matters is what they believe, not reality, so pretend to be everything your not. Your myspace friends are here to boost your ego so they need to feed off this type of detail. Who wants to see you for who you really are anyway? Doing that may compromise your reputation and risk losing myspace friends who decide that they don't like you because you weren't as scene kid savvy as they thought. Congratulations! You just graduated high school to merely rejoin it in the internet world. Grow up and get a life.