"Murphy's Law" dictionary

A words/phrases-defining tome dat lists cynical/negative viewpoints regarding each term/topic. Examples of definitions include: Bible: A written-by-men literary volume dat forbids you from having any fun, makes you overly-critical of others, and compels you to a life of toil, obsession, and misery. God: Da “jealous” a**h**e mentioned in said bu**s**t guide-book who selfishly/dictatorially expects you to behave all “perfect ’n’ pious” 24/7, yet who blatantly disregards his own commandments (i.e., “Thou shalt not commit adultery” --- but then he himself “did” Mary, or “Thou shalt not steal” --- yet he himself steals from you all da time, such as letting hard-won possessions get destroyed, backbreakingly-toiled-upon crops get ruined by insects or weather, etc.) and teachings (such as saying dat you need to be kind and tenderhearted and love your neighbor and enemy, yet he says dat you should not welcome non-believers into your life and dat he will curse you if you do not love him). Going to church: A weekly “legalized torture” session dat shoves da aforementioned bu**s**t down vulnerable/exhausted little ones’ throats when they would rather be sleeping from da exhaustion of five days of school and/or playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine. Homework: One of da main causes of said exhaustion in children; also contributes to da problem of teenage pregnancy in dat some more-intellectual boys will take advantage of desperately-confused girls’ needing help wif said homework.