Mud

A simple mixture of dirt and water. The viscosity of the mixture can be altered by adding or removing water, though the latter is substantially more difficult. Its uses are endless, ranging from pigpen groundcover to the primary ingredient in an easy to make pie. The compound was first "invented" by the homo hobilis as a defense against unwanted female attention. He found if he flung it at them, he could ward them off. This ultimately proved contrary to his survival, however, so he began flinging it at those who encroached on his females. Also, those who stole his females received a rainstorm of it on his dwelling. This practice continues today, and occasionally excreted matter is added, for the sake of odor. Nowadays, it is commonly seen as an obstacle to be avoided, especially by vehicular traffic. Nonetheless, it is still enjoyed by "offroad" traffic, and people playing tug-of-war. Thus, it can be deemed one of early man's most significant contributions to modern society, and grouped with fire and bacon.