Mitch

Mitch is the kind of guy you'd never want to bring home to your mother. A mid-twenties mental health disaster who should honestly probably be in a psych ward somewhere but instead his mom bought him a house (he was unappreciative) and just did everything she could to get him away from her. He's a baby. Quite literally, with the number of full scale five year old meltdowns he has on a daily basis. Smokes weed but wants to make SURE you know it's his "mEdIcInE" so that when he doesn't have any he has another excuse to lose his shit. Will probably try to bitch your sister out for "smoking all his weed" when in reality he can't control his urge to smoke with everyone he meets. An actual baby. A pathetic waste of space. Hand him a pack of American Spirits and start talking about hipster punk bands, you'll be his new best friend. Will not let you play any music you like around him, he HAS to be in control of all things at all times including music (get ready for lots of days n daze). Thinks everyone and everything is out to get him. Seems to have a thing for any lesbian he can get to sleep with him (please don't do it- he's obviously never seen a clit before in his LIFE and just wants to bareback everybody) and will probably give you diseases. Will probably try to get physical with you at some point- has a history of beating on his exes (though usually they gave back just as bad as they got). Claims to be a feminist- actually just fetishizes lesbians and is sexist as hell.