Michigan

-A magical, mitten-shaped land consisting primarily of trees, whitetail deer, squirrels, beaches, and snow. Inhabited by a race of people which are said to never complain about the cold, have a diet of which is made of 85% venison and beer, and are rumored to be direct descendants of Canadians. -Consists of the U.P. and the lower peninsula. Don’t ever call it the “L.P.” -Where whitetail deer come from. -Where whitetail deer flee from in November. -Tourists are both hated and loved here. The state needs them for a sustainable economy, yet it doesn't matter where you go; if you are a tourist, no one likes you. -All five Great Lakes belong to Michigan. Ontario included. Which is why Michigan is also called the “Great Lakes State”. Deal with it. -An Asian Carp’s dream home. -Therefore, Asian Carp are a Michigander/Michiganian’s greatest fear (other than running out of beer and deer to hunt). -There is only one sports rivalry that matters: University of Michigan and Michigan State. -Nobody in Michigan can drive worth a damn unless there’s snow on the ground. But even if there is snow on the ground, one should drive cautiously; this excludes douche bags with trucks. They quickly end up in the ditches. -Detroit… just… sucks. Anyone who lives outside Detroit considers it it’s own state. It’s often referred to as “Un-Michigan” or “Red Wings Land”. -Without Detroit, Michigan would be much further down on the obesity and crime lists. -See also: Canada.